Cookery Club and Car Lifting

The Inbetweeners
2012

4 Stars

I’ll admit, like most fans of the British comedy phenomena that is The Inbetweeners, I was devastated to hear that an American remake was on its way. How on Earth could the Americans bastardise a show so crass, so hilarious and, at heart, so intensely British as The Inbetweeners? It seemed an impossibility, and after the so many failed attempts in the past (Red Dwarf, The IT Crowd, et al.), one had to question why they were even bothering.

But the truth is, it isn’t the toilet humour and foul-mouthedness that made The Inbetweeners as good as it was; quite simply, it’s the show’s heart. Centring around four secondary school losers, it’s so easy to see our own former selves in at least one of the group. We all knew a Jay, a Neil or a Simon, and I will freely admit to having been the Will McKenzie of Durham school. Teenagers are all the same, and THAT is what makes the show so very poignant.

With that in mind, why couldn’t an American translation work? Are American teens really all that different from those of the UK?

Simply put, no, they aren’t.

It’s true that a lot of the material is similar, and there are a few quips that were hilarious in the British version that rather fall flat in the Americanisation, but perhaps that is simply because we have all over-watched the show and already know the punch-line well before it has come.  Four episodes in, however, and writer Brad Copeland (of Arrested Development fame) looks like he’s beginning to take risks, having this week given us an episode of entirely original material which would easily have stood up against some of the best episodes of the original. Will starts a cookery club to impress Charlotte whilst Jay gives up “sex” in order to give himself a wet dream.  It just works wonderfully.

Of course, it’s the boys themselves that make the show what it is, and although Joey Pollari is quite weird enough as Will, his supporting classmates really do make up for it. Bubba Lewis’ portrayal of Simon is as awkward and prattish as Joe Thomas, with Alex Frnka a much more believable and compassionate Carli than Emily Head ever was.

The stars of the show, however, have always been Jay and Neil, and at first glance, I’ll admit that I was concerned; Zack Pearlman’s Jay is a rotund and greasy looking chap who one would never believe to be the stallion he claims to be, but it is immediately made clear that this is part of the joke. Bouncing around like a young Jack Black, he brings a new twist to the character that really does work. His mascara-topped outfit in the Night Out episode is, quite simply, priceless. Mark L. Young as a long haired wannabe-rocker Neil is a scatterbrain rather than the outright idiot of his predecessor, and it’s clear in both of these characters that they are different people altogether instead of attempting to be clones of their British counterparts.

If the first four episodes are anything to go by, this could end up being a great show, and it’s rather a shame that it has such large shoes to fill. That said, The Office became great in its own right, and I truly believe that this could too, just so long as it’s given the chance.

So, y’know what people of Britain? Stop moaning and give it a go, ‘cause after all, weren’t we all inbetween at some point?

Spiderman for the Bieber Generation

The Amazing Spider-man

Marc Webb, 2012

2 Stars

It’s very difficult to try and view this summer’s Spiderman reboot objectively. Aside from the obvious “too soon” statement upon every audience member’s lips, there is something so very iconic about Sam Raimi’s Spiderman that it was always going to be difficult to beat. Uncle Ben’s “With Great Power…” speech. The Spidey kiss. Even the infamous Saturday Night Fever-esque struts of Spiderman 3 (only five years ago, just in case you haven’t heard that enough of late) are such a notable part of so many people’s growing up, that no matter what director Marc Webb brought to the table in his allegedly darker retelling, it was never going to be enough for most die-hard fans.

So let’s not dwell too much on what was, and look instead at what is.

In The Amazing Spiderman we are once again taken back to the beginning on a journey that ticks all of the boxes in Spiderman mythology; bitten by a radioactive spider, Peter Parker (played by could-be One Direction member Andrew Garfield) falls for high school sweetheart Mary Jane… Check that, Gwen Stacey (sultry and husky Emma Stone), loses his beloved Uncle Ben at the hands of a petty crook after some stupid decisions, and goes on to battle a mutated mentor, all the while getting to grips with his newfound spider-senses.

On paper, it ticks all of the right boxes, and indeed there is some good to be found here; a couple of touching scenes, most notably for this jaded Spidey fan, the moment when school bully Flash Thompson (a rather pathetically unthreatening Chris Zylka… in fact, I can’t of a less convincing school hard-ass save for Kiefer Sutherland in Stand By Me) actually sympathises with Parker’s lost uncle, and a wonderful scene in which Spidey saves a young boy from a car moments before it plummets into the Hudson. Rhys Ifans’ performance as teacher-turned-nemesis Curt Connors is also at times touching, if somewhat underdeveloped, and Martin Sheen does a nice job as the tragic Uncle Ben.

Where the film truly falls short however, is in its attempts to be a darker, more brooding Spiderman. The attempts to echo the success of Batman Begins are evident throughout, but whereas Nolan’s films worked by bringing the Dark Knight into a reality, the Marvel Universe is flawed in its own supernatural elements. When your hero is empowered by a modified spider and your villains are giant lizard men, it’s a little difficult to imagine this really happening in downtown New York.

Of course, if the story is strong, we, as an audience, will buy it. Unfortunately, the script is so clunky and jumpy it feels like it has been written by a first-year script-writing student with a little too much time on his hands. The exposition is so heavy-handed that one scene in particular will remain in my head for years to come as the most ridiculous foretelling-of-a-baddie’s-plan moment of all time… Not quite word for word, but;

INT: OSCORP LABS

A large, ominous-looking machine. Enter DR CURT CONNORS.

CONNORS: Hello, I’m Dr Curt Connors. I want to rid the world of weakness. This is a machine that can cover an entire city with a cloud of toxic gas.

Obviously, not quite verbatim, but I swear, not far off. I actually groaned loudly in the cinema as I sipped on my Ironman tommy tipple. And how does the Lizard discover that Spiderman is actually Peter Parker? Spidey drops his camera during a scuffle, and conveniently on it is a sticker stating “Property of Peter Parker”. Come on people! At times, the writing honestly feels like a poorly plotted episode from Spiderman The Animated Series. The intrepid soul-searching and “quest for answers” promised by the marketing campaign is also completely non-existent. Having a brooding lead does not automatically mean that there are answers to be found; one does have to ask some questions in the first place!

But, the question is, is it enjoyable? And yes, I have to admit, I had a good time. Though not a patch on its predecessors, there is fun to be had here. Quite simply put, it’s Spidey for the Beiber generation. I’m already fully aware of the tweenage (and worryingly older) Garfield fans this end of the globe, and can only imagine the starry eyed young girls swooning over the far-too-attractive-to-be-Peter-Parker young fellow in the est of the world. I guess the only way to properly gauge this film as a success would be to wait until this year’s twelve year-olds are subjected to the next reboot in 2024 and see how they react. But for me? Spiderman? Not quite… Amazing? Far from it.

Bring on the Bat-Maaaaan…

God Save the Queen...?

Monkeybone
Henry Selick, 2001

4 Stars

Yesterday, whilst every other true-blooded Brit was adorning himself in bunting or pumping out patriotism along the Thames in celebration of the Queen`s jubilee, I, upon a Sunday evening nonetheless, had the flat to myself. As such, I think I can be forgiven for putting on my jim-jams, pouring a Bell`s and coke and settling down to a much-loved film that no-one remembers.

Said film, in this instance, was Henry Selick`s oft-forgotten little gem Monkeybone.

After critical success with his previous stop-motion movies, The Nightmare Before Christmas and James and the Giant Peach, Selick decided to play his hand at bringing his unique style of animation to purely adult audiences. Taking inspiration from the wickedly dark Canadian graphic novel Dark Town, Monkeybone centers around successful cartoonist Stu Miley (Brendan Fraser back when he was fun), creator of the cheeky simian Monkeybone, as he finds himself knocked into a coma and thrust into a world of nightmares. Therein he becomes the unlucky patsy in a plot by nightmare king Hypnos to infiltrate the real world.

But, as with so much of Selick`s work, it`s not the story that sells it; it`s Selick`s mix of stellar animation, dark comedy and outright strangeness. And for the most part, it`s here that Monkeybone excels. The nightmare world is realized with fantastic aplomb, with each and every character and set piece detailed to the utmost. Rose McGowan`s turn as the mouthwatering Miss Kitty is simply icing on the cake.

Unfortunately, the film does fall a little short during its final act, when the action returns to the real world, but quite frankly, enough delightful groundwork comes before it, that I find myself forgiving this lapse in action. That said, Chris Kattan does provide a good giggle as Organ Donor Stu.

Having been desperately trying to find a little of the old Burton in Big Tim`s recent films, watching Monkeybone, I find myself wondering why he doesn`t team up once again with his erstwhile partner, Selick… Burton, you could learn something here old bean.

Les Animations Francaise

Les Triplettes de Belleville

Sylvian Chomet, 2003

4.5 Stars

I’ve never been one to hide my distaste for French cinema. Indeed, on a recent trip to Paris, I was labeled a philistine by some of my closest friends simply because I would rather succumb to the fate of a Piranha 3D extra than be made to sit through Amelie again.

As such, I was somewhat skeptical of Manami’s recent endorsement of the French animation Les Triplettes de Belleville. Heaven forbid I should have to endure yet another Francophilic couple of hours of overated “art”.

I’m glad to say that on some occasions my arrogance is utterly misplaced.

Les Triplettes de Belleville is a charming little animation which follows the tale of young Champion, a cyclist trained by his overbearing grandmother, set to win the Tour de France. During the race, however, he is kidnapped by the mafia to take part in a bizarre gambling experiment, and it is up to grandma, with the help of the titular triplets (a trio of jazz singing, frog eating old dames), and an hilariously overweight bloodhound to rescue him.

Told silently through pantomime and slapstick, the story is utterly absurd, but somehow one of the most heartwarming animations I’ve ever had the pleasure to watch. The artwork is a peculiar mix of 2D and CGI, with beautifully realized backdrops perfectly clashing with the most grotesque of caricatures (who, in the most self-deprecating I’ve ever seen in animated film, all look outstandingly French!).  A flavour of the Miyazaki air is abundant, and as such it is clear to see why this was a sleeper hit in Japan.

With toe-tapping music throughout, and a dinner scene to rival The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, this is certainly a little cinematic gem I’m glad to have been introduced to… Perhaps France deserves another chance…

Hmm…

Back From the Shadows

Dark Shadows

Tim Burton, 2012

3.5 Stars

It has been nigh on two centuries since I’ve sat down at my desk (and by desk, naturally I mean hunched over the coffee table… it’ll be a good while still until I find myself actually writing on an actually desk) and reviewed anything. A shame really, with this Spring’s spate of Joss Whedon films, the entirety of Heroes having been worked through, and a decent handful of heart-wrenching season finales having littered our screens.

Of course, there are excuses for this absence; for a good six months, I was without computer, my trusty laptop having given up the ghost after five years of faithful world-weary service. Add to that the mania of funerals, health scares, and the ever-looming thing they call “real life”, and I have to admit that quite honestly, I have not been arsed.

But, after umming and ah-ing for the last few weeks, I figured that it’s time to give this old girl another chance to rise from the grave, and hopefully this time, much like Tim Burton’s newest outing, it might turn out just that little better than expected…

Dark Shadows, as every review/trailer/interview/marketing mogul keeps reminding us, is Burton’s eighth outing with long time collaborator Johnny Depp. The film, a retooling of a seventies soap opera, of which, I must admit, I was completely oblivious to the existence of, tells the tale of the accursed Collins family, a tribe of New England settlers who unfortunately fall foul of a love-lorne witch.

Depp plays Barnabus Collins, a vampire. It’s obvious casting, and one can’t help but feel that Depp perhaps wasn’t actually the best of choices for the role. He flounces around a lot and does his generic faux-cockney Sparrow/Todd/Crane accent and tis all in good fun, but y’know what? I would’ve got Michael Keeton to do it. Ho hum.

The supporting cast (as let’s face it, with Mr. Depp out front, that’s all they’ll ever be) try their best, with Jackie Earle Haley as the groundsman of the Collins’ estate certainly coming close to stealing the show. Chloe Moretz, in her ever-increasing weirdness, is a delight as the moody teenage daughter, and Alice Cooper and Christopher Lee cameo to great effect. That said, the cast member who I personally was most excited about, Johnny Lee Miller of Trainspotting fame, unfortunately wins the award for “most unnecessary character of the century”.

With Burton, however, it’s not story (good, ‘cause there ain’t exactly a coherent narrative) nor cast that we’ve come to anticipate, but simply the knowledge that when we sit down to something from the mind of Big Tim, we’re in for a couple of hours of visual delights and outright weirdness. 

Alas, for me at least, this is where the film fell a little flat. The comedy was there (a stand out being the two hundred year old vampire’s rendition of Steve Miller Band’s “The Joker”), and the set and costume was immaculate, managing to capture Burton’s image, whilst at the same time encapsulating the cheesiness of the American soap opera ethos. Unfortunately, however, it simply wasn’t weird enough. The supernatural tone of the film seemed completely forgotten during the central act, and one can’t help but feel that if one or two of the plethora of revelations that are made in the last ten minutes were made a little earlier, we would’ve have a much more interesting experience all round.

In all, Dark Shadows is a decent enough movie; certainly far better than the last few films Burton has spewed out, this time feeling much more like his more passionate earlier work, rather than a movie for spectacle’s sake (see Alice in Wonderland). Just don’t go in expecting Beetlejuice and you shouldn’t be too disappointed.

The Great Disney Countdown Part 2

Ahoy hoy ladies and gents. So, after last week’s bottom ten, we start hitting so little cinematic gems… Nothing huge just yet… After all, we’ve not hit thirty just yet.

So, for you enjoyments, here’s numbers forty to thirty-one.

40. Bolt (2008)

A dog, brought up to believe he is a superhero, who is in fact simply the title character in his own TV series, finds himself powerless in the real world after his co-star, Miley Cyrus, is kidnapped. Bolt is a great concept and a pretty fun film. Indeed, of Disney’s brief sojourn in CGI, it’s by far the best. Does it measure up to the real classics though? Well, not really. But it’s still good fun.

39. Home on the Range (2004)

Home on the Range boasts one of the best opening numbers a Disney film has ever produced. There’s also a lot of fun to be had with the highly camp yodelling baddie. Unfortunately it’s just a bit too Chuck Jones to be considered real Disney. That said, it’s well worth a few chuckles, and has a stellar voice cast. Disney’s final 2D animation. Y’know, before they realised how stupid that idea was.

38. Tarzan (1999)

I guess the main problem Tarzan had is that it followed the golden age, and just didn’t live up to its predecessors. Following straight on from a series of nine absolutely top-notch films, Tarzan just didn’t make the grade. With a soundtrack by Phil Collins, rather than actual songs performed by the characters, it was a bit of an oddity. Good animation and likable characters, as well as the touching story of Tarzan’s primate family, make this nonetheless a good’un.

37. The Adventures of Ichabod and Mister Toad (1949)

This was one of my childhood favourites that unfortunately was lent to a friend and never got returned. Bing Crosby’s haunting rendition of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow is cinematic gold, whilst Basil Rathbone’s Toad of Toad Hall is rollicking good fun. A fabulous double bill.

36. Sleeping Beauty (1959)

Let’s be honest, there are a few Disney films that really only girls can appreciate to the fullest. Oh, and effeminate younger brothers of course. As in touch as I am with my feminine side, I have never really been able to see the full appeal of Sleeping Beauty. Yes, Maleficent is one of the finest Disney villains, and there’s some iconic tunes… It’s just a bit… Well… Girly…

35. Tangled (2010)

Tangled, for the most part, rocked my socks. The first half hour left me worried that this would be forgettable trite, and when Alan Menkin’s name appeared in the credits, I was shocked to the core that such a genius could have produced such dreary tunes. However, after the appearance of anti-hero Flynn, the film really picks up pace, and the ending is quite touching. It’s not the best (hence stepping in at number thirty five), but it’s quite lovely. And Mandy Moore makes a delicious princess.

34. Make Mine Music (1946)

Another compilation film, but with a lot of good going for it. Make Mine Music starts off with some relatively mundane shorts before really hitting its stride with ()’s legendary Peter and the Wolf, followed by another Andrews Sisters classic about a fedora who falls in love with a blue bonnet, before finishing off with the absolutely outstanding The Whale Who Wanted to Sing at the Met, truly one of the studio’s finest short films. As mentioned before, had these last three pieces been preceded by the opening numbers of Melody Time, a real great would have been produced.

33. Bambi (1942)

Okay. I’m going to be honest.

I don’t particularly like Bambi.

I get it. Cultural importance, Disney’s favourite film, yaddy yadda. I just find it a bit, well, dull. That said, I couldn’t bring myself to place such an important film any lower on the list. Ho hum.

32. The Rescuers (1977)

The Rescuers, in my eyes, was a good movie that paved the way for a much more enjoyable sequel. There’s some classic characters; Wilbur the albatross, voiced by the late great Buddy Hackett, the terrifying alligators Brutus and Nero, and of course, the legendary Evenrude the dragonfly. It’s scary, touching, and beautifully dark. And should not, under ANY circumstances, be confused with the Rescue Rangers!

31. Pocahontas (1995)

Pocahontas boasted a beautiful score and stunning animation, but unfortunately didn’t quite work as a family film. There’s romance, adventure, and a spattering of comedy from animal sidekicks Meeko and Flit, but following The Lion King was always going to be a tough call. The conflict between evil Governor Ratcliffe and the natives, however, is done with aplomb, and the film’s inevitable ending is very powerful. It also introduced a generation of kids to a true legend.

So there’s the last few not to make the top thirty. Tune in next week for numbers thirty to twenty one!

A Nasty Double Bill

So today, I had planned to bring you part two of the Great Disney Countdown, and indeed, it is sitting complete on my hard drive right now. But, know what? I’ve been having some fun indulging my polar passion this week, and watching some of the latest “video nasties” from around the globe. So, without much ado, prepare for some utterly shocking behaviour…

I Spit on Your Grave

Steven R. Monroe, 2010

2 Stars

When it comes to video nasties, Meir Zarchi’s 1978 shocker Day of the Woman is something of a classic. Not because it’s any good of course, but simply because it’s pretty darn horrendous in every way; a writer flees from the city after being gang-raped, finding solace in the peaceful countryside, only to find herself gang-raped again, for forty or so minutes of grimy and poorly shot gloom. Thereafter, she wanders around naked for the rest of the film, taking bloody revenge on the yokels, culminating in cutting off one of her attackers’ todger in a bathtub. It’s bloody awful, and of all the “classic” horror film that seem to be inevitably remade of late, this is probably the most unnecessary.

But yay. Remake.

The story is the same; writer, rape, revenge. And to be honest, it’s quite as dull as the original, but in a rather different way. For one thing, the attempted characterisation of the thugs during the first thirty minutes of film is quite tiresome, and I must admit, I found myself drifting in and out of caring up until the mandatory sexual assault. There’s some rather amusing menacing along the way; Chad Lindberg (Dave from the first season of Buffy) plays Matthew the Retard, and does a pretty good job of it too, with a bizarre mix of lust and guilt, especially during the lead-up to the infamous scene, whilst Jeff Branson is pretty good as head thug Johnny. And the gay chappy from Mean Girls is a hilariously strange casting choice as one of the group. But are they scary? No. Not really. And it takes Andrew Howard’s corrupt sheriff, whose character really doesn’t work at all, to actually crowbar some menace into proceedings.

The rape itself is pretty vile, though not in comparison to the gritty aplomb of the original, where it was performed with such painful believability, and to be frank, it’s just a bit old hat these days – the reason these films were so shocking in the 70s was ‘cause nobody had done it before… Ho hum…

Sarah Butler as the innocent victim does a good job with her role, and her revenge is harsh and justified. Death scenes are inspired, raising the film’s star rating from a single pointer, and the castration scene loses the laughableness of the original, delivering a truly nauseating chop.

All in all, it’s not one for the family, and a bit of a needless attempt to cash in on the reputation of its forefather, complete with anal rape by rifle. Hazah!

A Serbian Film

Srdjan Spasoevic, 2010

Somewhere between 0 and 5 Stars

It takes a great deal for a horror film to affect me these days. Having seen so very much trite over the last decade and a half of devouring the genre, I have become rather disaffected by the whole malarkey. As such, for a film to actually have a lasting physical and psychological impact on me… Well, it’s either got to be something utterly amazing, or the most depraved, disgusting material ever put to celluloid.

A Serbian Film is arguably both.

Following the tragic tale of a retired porn star in poverty stricken Serbia, this is a film that manages to explore the darkest boundaries of human sexual depravation. Suggesting that pornography should be a boundary pushing art form, one made to shock and inspire utmost controversy, budding film maker Sergej Trifunovic enlists our “hero”, a somehow touching Srdjan Todorovic, to take part in his new venture, promising that he will never have to work again upon completion of the picture.

Milos soon finds himself drugged, beaten and thrust into a world of paedophilia, necrophilia, and “newborn porn” before ultimately being tricked into anally raping his own son whilst his brother shags his unconscious wife. In a spate of drug-induced fury, he then proceeds to kill a man by thrusting his erect member into his eye socket.

Yes.

Seriously.

This is a real film.

Real life director Spasojevic argues this to be political allegory. Every other critic slates it as a mere “out to shock” endeavour. Either way, it certainly leaves you in a state of somekind… Personally, I was nauseated, disgusted, depressed and yet somehow impressed. Indeed, it’s difficult to place a rating on such a film; on one hand, it’s truly horrendous, but on the other, it’s cleverly made, thought provoking, and probably one of the most powerful movies you’ll ever have the displeasure to watch.

But should you watch it? I wouldn’t recommend it. But surely that’s recommendation enough.

But seriously, you probably shouldn’t.