Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie (Steve Barron, 1990) – 3 Stars
A heavy bout of turtles-based nostalgia threw me into this weekend’s movie marathon, in which I decided to put myself through on of cinema’s greatest (cash-in) trilogies.
As a kid, I was a huge fan of Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles (yes, “hero”; in the UK “ninja” was seen as far too violent at the time for the pre-pubescent audience). Indeed, I remember well my fifth birthday, when my parents had gone out and purchased the entire range of Turtles action figures at the time. I had everything, ranging from the standard four, to bumbling baddies Bebop and Rocksteady, and even the Shell Wagon and sewer playsets. Of course, I was far from sated, seeing as how the thing I really wanted was Dizzy, Dizzy Dinosaur. Dear god I was a brat…
But anyways, let’s crack on.
Amidst turtle-mania, the big screen saw the first outing of the fab four in 1990, with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie. At the time, it was a cinematic masterpiece of subtlety and pathos, the likes of which had never been seen before. Well, maybe not, but it was a smash hit nonetheless.
Watching the film now, it is, naturally, dated, but it still holds it’s nineties charm. The story is delightfully dark for a kids’ movie; the evil Shredder kidnaps Master Splinter and it is up to our mutated heroes to “kick some shell” and rescue him. The campness of the cartoon is generally washed away to create an almost noir world for the underground heroes, giving them an almost believable place in the superhero world.
What makes the movie fun and still entirely watchable though is not the simplicity of it’s story, but the sheer enthusiasm with which it is made. The team behind Turtles are fully aware of the daftness of their subject matter, and sure, at the time, the producers could have thrown any old turtle-based tosh at the screen and made a fortune there from, but they don’t. Instead we get some nice witticisms, some very clever little references thrown in for the adult audiences, undoubtedly dragged unwillingly to theatres by screaming children, and an array of exciting and well-puppeteered action sequences.
Sure, it’s no Citizen Kane, but the turtles’ first outing is still great entertainment, and worth a watch if only for Master Splinter’s origin story; rarely will you see an animatronic rat kick ass quite so valiantly.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (Michael Pressman, 1991) – 2 Stars
The second instalment in the Turtles franchise sees our heroes once again taking on the evil Shredder as he uses the “ooze” that originally mutated the turtles against them, creating the made-for-action figure nasties Tokka and Rahzar. All this gooey craziness results in a showdown between the turtles and their new foes to the rhythmic insanity of Vanilla Ice.
Unlike the first movie, Turtles II takes its inspiration much more from the cartoon series than the seminal comic books, thus creating a much more comic and colourful motion picture.
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Unfortunately, in doing so, the dark and somewhat gritty atmosphere portrayed in the first film becomes a watered down shell of its predecessor. Sure, it looks good visually, and the larger than life costumes are spot on, but the over exposure , both in terms of lighting and simple screen time that the characters are giving inevitably creates a very childish hue.
Of course, for the target audience, this is perfect (in fact, I remember this one being my favourite when I was a kid), but falls flat when it comes to all-round entertainment. Puerile and lack-lustre, this instalment borders on sheer stupidity, and not the Return of the Killer Tomatoes good kind.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (Stuart Gillard, 1993) - 1 Star
(Transcript of phone conversation between CEOs of Playmates Toys)
Steve: Hey Corny, it’s Steve.
Cornelius: Oh, hi Steve, what’s happening?
Steve: Well, we have a problem with the Turtles line…
Cornelius: Sales down?
Steve: Yeah, and we’ve run out of new ideas to pawn off on the public.
Cornelius: Hmm… That is a problem… How about “Hollywood Monsters” variants?
Steve: Did that one last year.
Cornelius: Aging rockstars?
Steve: Covered.
Cornelius: Well, how about Samurai Turtles?
Steve. Could work, but they’re ninjas, not samurai.
Cornelius: Okay, I got it. Do we still have the old costumes from the second movie?
Steve: Yeah…
Cornelius: Right; turtles go back in time and become samurai. Third movie in the bag and a marketing dream. We’ll be running the new figures for Christmas.
Steve: Okay. But how about the story?
Cornelius: Ah, bugger that. Just throw out any old crap. Make sure it’s bright and sparkly. Lots of swashbuckling. The kids’ll love it. Oh, and make sure you get the guy that was Casey Jones in the first film to pop in for a pointless cameo. That’ll get another figure in the works.
Steve: Do we have a writer?
Cornelius: Oh, any shit’ll do. Is the guy that did Speed 2 available?
Steve: Sir, Speed 1 hasn’t even been made yet…
Cornelius: Well how about the guy that did that crappy movie with Phoebe Cates in the buff?
Steve: I’ll give him a call…
Cornelius: Get on it. My kids need new ponies.
(call ends)
A heavy bout of turtles-based nostalgia threw me into this weekend’s movie marathon, in which I decided to put myself through on of cinema’s greatest (cash-in) trilogies.
As a kid, I was a huge fan of Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles (yes, “hero”; in the UK “ninja” was seen as far too violent at the time for the pre-pubescent audience). Indeed, I remember well my fifth birthday, when my parents had gone out and purchased the entire range of Turtles action figures at the time. I had everything, ranging from the standard four, to bumbling baddies Bebop and Rocksteady, and even the Shell Wagon and sewer playsets. Of course, I was far from sated, seeing as how the thing I really wanted was Dizzy, Dizzy Dinosaur. Dear god I was a brat…
But anyways, let’s crack on.
Amidst turtle-mania, the big screen saw the first outing of the fab four in 1990, with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie. At the time, it was a cinematic masterpiece of subtlety and pathos, the likes of which had never been seen before. Well, maybe not, but it was a smash hit nonetheless.
Watching the film now, it is, naturally, dated, but it still holds it’s nineties charm. The story is delightfully dark for a kids’ movie; the evil Shredder kidnaps Master Splinter and it is up to our mutated heroes to “kick some shell” and rescue him. The campness of the cartoon is generally washed away to create an almost noir world for the underground heroes, giving them an almost believable place in the superhero world.
What makes the movie fun and still entirely watchable though is not the simplicity of it’s story, but the sheer enthusiasm with which it is made. The team behind Turtles are fully aware of the daftness of their subject matter, and sure, at the time, the producers could have thrown any old turtle-based tosh at the screen and made a fortune there from, but they don’t. Instead we get some nice witticisms, some very clever little references thrown in for the adult audiences, undoubtedly dragged unwillingly to theatres by screaming children, and an array of exciting and well-puppeteered action sequences.
Sure, it’s no Citizen Kane, but the turtles’ first outing is still great entertainment, and worth a watch if only for Master Splinter’s origin story; rarely will you see an animatronic rat kick ass quite so valiantly.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (Michael Pressman, 1991) – 2 Stars
The second instalment in the Turtles franchise sees our heroes once again taking on the evil Shredder as he uses the “ooze” that originally mutated the turtles against them, creating the made-for-action figure nasties Tokka and Rahzar. All this gooey craziness results in a showdown between the turtles and their new foes to the rhythmic insanity of Vanilla Ice.
Unlike the first movie, Turtles II takes its inspiration much more from the cartoon series than the seminal comic books, thus creating a much more comic and colourful motion picture.
.jpg)
Unfortunately, in doing so, the dark and somewhat gritty atmosphere portrayed in the first film becomes a watered down shell of its predecessor. Sure, it looks good visually, and the larger than life costumes are spot on, but the over exposure , both in terms of lighting and simple screen time that the characters are giving inevitably creates a very childish hue.
Of course, for the target audience, this is perfect (in fact, I remember this one being my favourite when I was a kid), but falls flat when it comes to all-round entertainment. Puerile and lack-lustre, this instalment borders on sheer stupidity, and not the Return of the Killer Tomatoes good kind.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (Stuart Gillard, 1993) - 1 Star
(Transcript of phone conversation between CEOs of Playmates Toys)
Steve: Hey Corny, it’s Steve.
Cornelius: Oh, hi Steve, what’s happening?
Steve: Well, we have a problem with the Turtles line…
Cornelius: Sales down?
Steve: Yeah, and we’ve run out of new ideas to pawn off on the public.
Cornelius: Hmm… That is a problem… How about “Hollywood Monsters” variants?
Steve: Did that one last year.
Cornelius: Aging rockstars?
Steve: Covered.
Cornelius: Well, how about Samurai Turtles?
Steve. Could work, but they’re ninjas, not samurai.
Cornelius: Okay, I got it. Do we still have the old costumes from the second movie?
Steve: Yeah…
Cornelius: Right; turtles go back in time and become samurai. Third movie in the bag and a marketing dream. We’ll be running the new figures for Christmas.
Steve: Okay. But how about the story?
Cornelius: Ah, bugger that. Just throw out any old crap. Make sure it’s bright and sparkly. Lots of swashbuckling. The kids’ll love it. Oh, and make sure you get the guy that was Casey Jones in the first film to pop in for a pointless cameo. That’ll get another figure in the works.
Steve: Do we have a writer?
Cornelius: Oh, any shit’ll do. Is the guy that did Speed 2 available?
Steve: Sir, Speed 1 hasn’t even been made yet…
Cornelius: Well how about the guy that did that crappy movie with Phoebe Cates in the buff?
Steve: I’ll give him a call…
Cornelius: Get on it. My kids need new ponies.
(call ends)
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