Wingapo

Avatar
(James Cameron, 2009)

2.5 Stars

I’ve never really been one for the popular movies I know, and as such, when it came to the multi-Oscar-winning blockbuster to defeat all blockbusters that was Jimmy C’s Avatar, I decided my best course of action was to sit back and wait for the wave to subside, then watch it without everyone else bombarding me with their questions as to why I would inevitably find fault in it.

So I’ll be nice and start with the good points.

Avatar looks pretty good. I don’t think it’s as outstanding as many have said, but it looks good. And Michelle Rodriguez is in it.

And now to the “however”s.

Cameron’s script is not only a blatant rip-off of Disney’s version of Pocahontas; white man amidst natives, relationship therein, war, talking trees, crazy raccoon sidekick (okay, maybe the last wasn’t there, but wouldn’t it have been such a better film if it had??), but it is also entirely dull and overly drawn out. Sure, make your film look impressive, but give us some damned substance. Every “plot twist” was predictable, and I don’t think there’s actually a single story point after the first act that I didn’t predict a good ten minutes before it happened.

To add to the dreariness, there was not a single character I found myself caring about, and the only somewhat interesting chaps amongst the ensemble were Sigourney Weaver’s Ripley re-hash, and Michelle Rodriguez’s sexy pilot lady. The rest of the cast were so entirely uninteresting that I could’ve farted them out in my sleep.

This was apparently Cameron’s “dream project”; an idea he had as a child. And that’s pretty clear to me to be honest; a three hour long vanity project that could easily have been written by a twelve year old.

Well done mate, you got the Oscars. But did you deserve them? Let’s see who really remembers this in twenty years’ time.