Even a man who is pure of heart and says his prayers at night...

The Wolfman
(Joe Johnston, 2010)

3.5 Stars

Whilst researching my MA final project, I spent many sleepless hours lost amongst the classics of horror cinema. Through the works of Wes Craven, John Carpenter, and eventually finding myself in something of a comfort zone amidst the great classics of the Universal Monsters. Many of these old movies hold little more than kitsch value nowadays, and it is with a air of sadness that I often hear my brother slating them as mere “crap”. Kids just don’t seem to know a classic when it’s beating them around the face…

Despite the technical brilliance of The Invisible Man and the haunting delights of Dracula, the one Universal classic that has always stood out for me is that infamous Lon Chaney Junior outing, The Wolfman, its story still touching and a wonder to watch seventy years after its original release.

And so, it was with a little more than an ounce of excitement with which I have anticipated Johnston's glossy remake, which finally hit the silver screens of Japan last week. And for the most part, my bloodlust was fulfilled.

Drawing inspiration not only from its namesake, but also such classics as Werewolf of London, American Werewolf and even The Murders of the Rue Morgue, Johnston's take on The Wolfman is a much darker venture than the directors of olde could ever have imagined, kicking off with a wickedly gory opening sequence that sets the tone for lacerations still to come.

Benicio del Toro (The Usual Suspects, Che) gives an aptly haunted and haunting performance as accursed Larry Talbot, though his plight somehow seems a little less heart-wrenching than that of Chaney’s Talbot. This is perhaps to be blamed upon the rather trite sub-plot involving Talbot’s father (played by Anthony Hopkins, who doesn’t quite seem to know what his accent is supposed to be, varying from an angry Glaswegian to Valley’s Boy from scene to scene) being the original werewolf. On hearing this, I groaned aloud at the inevitable werewolf fight that would, and did, serve as the film’s climax.

The real star, however is the ever-watchable Hugo Weaving (The Matrix, The Lord of the Rings), whose Ripper-hunting detective is deliciously sardonic from start to finish, though his story arc does feel a little unfulfilled by the end of the movie.

One question that I always begin with when it come to werewolf movies is “how’s the transformation?” Unfortunately, as is the fashion these days, it’s all CGI. It seems that until someone actually has the guts not to rely on computers, we will never again feel the writhing pain of David Kessler in that old John Landis classic…

That said, The Wolfman is a good, fun, and delightfully bloody romp, drawing from its predecessors, and for the most part learning from them, keeping me fully entertained for its rather short ninety minutes. Howling for more? Perhaps not, but certainly sated in my wolf-like hunger.

Hard Rockin' All Over The World

Hard Rock Café

Fukuoka

After any long stretch away from home, one begins to really miss the home comforts. I’ve gone into this at some length in the past, so I shan’t hark on too much. Over the course of the last few months, I’ve adapted and compromised to a certain degree, and when necessity calls for it, I’ve handed over vast sums of cash-monies for such simple things as cheese and marmite. Recently, however, on thing I’ve really missed is a ruddy good burger, since the Japanese “hamburg steak” is a mushy, flavourless gloop of supposed burger meat.

And so, as part of my Golden Week vacation, I decided to treat myself to that old favourite of mine, the Hard Rock Café. It’s somewhat of a necessity for me as a global traveller to check out Hard Rocks in each new city I find myself in, and in passing through Fukuoka on my way to Korea, I figured I had to drop in.

I cracked a nostalgic smile for my Cardiff days as I approached the Fukuoka Hard Rock, with its neon guitar and crashed Cadillac (not quite as cool as the King Kong that hangs off the roof of Hard Rock Tokyo), and as I was seated at my table by one of the many delightfully peppy young waitresses, I began to salivate with anticipation for what was to come.

After some confusion over my Long Island Iced Tea (why the hell would I go to Hard Rock and order a regular iced tea? Silly girl), I tucked into a hearty plate of nachos, covered in more cheese than I think exists in the entirety of the rest of Japan, and a BBQ bacon cheeseburger, its saucy, beefy magic only marred slightly by the addition of just a few too many caramelised onions.

With my appetite sated, I retired to the giant guitar-shaped bar for a few more drinks; another, less good than the first, Iced Tea, followed by a mediocre Mai Tai. I couldn’t complain though, since the young girl serving was chirpier than an anime schoolgirl.

The one thing that did rather let down the Fukuoka franchise was the memorabilia. Hard Rock is known for its extensive collection of rock and roll knickknacks, and indeed most branches are adorned with some very impressive pieces of tat donated by the rich and famous. Unfortunately, Fukuoka seems to have been forgotten, with the collection here consisting almost solely of old posters and a few golden records. Of the few guitars there were, only that of Peter Frampton comes to mind. But they do have Debbie Harry’s shoes outside the toilets.

Despite the niggles in the décor, Hard Rock Fukuoka was a great night out; food was the standard Hard Rock fare (though a lot less salty than the UK branches thankfully), and the staff were bright, bubbly and happy to help. Stepping out into the night with my bag of merchandise, I felt a sense of warmth and reminiscence that brought a wistful smile that rarely occurs out here in the Nippon.

Hard Rock Fukuoka; been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.

Japanese Wildlife Part One

One of the most endearing and enduring aspects of Japan, and indeed one of the biggest draws to me as an animal lover is the sheer volume and variety of native flora and fauna that, although often not unique to Japan alone, is so very exotic to European eyes.

An amazing variety of different bugs and beasties seem to show themselves on a daily basis found these parts, and it seems like every week some new creature graces me with its presence. Unfortunately, as is often the case with the local folk, they are utterly oblivious to the rich tapestry of life that is surrounding them, so I have taken it upon myself to chronicle and research as much as I can, garnering what knowledge I can from trusty ol’ Wikipedia.

So, in what shall hopefully become an ongoing series, I shall be sharing some of my more exotic finds. To date, I have seen some of the most beautiful wild animals I have ever come across, and though a few I have failed to capture on film, such as the illusive Itachi (the Japanese pole cat), and many more have as of yet remained in the darkness; the Inushishi (Eurasian wild boar) and the mythical Tanuki (the racoon dog, revered as a spirit of mischief amongst the Shito peoples), I am determined to continue discovering more and more monsters from beyond myth.

Koi Carp

Let’s start with one of Japan’s most famous indigenous species; the prized Koi. Oft seen in the gardens of the rich and frivolous back home, these friendly fishes cost a fortune in the UK, and yet are seen in every river, lake and stream in Japan, swimming around happily, occasionally popping up to the surface to say hello. Inquisitive and smiley, and ranging in colour from a muddy brown to the Technicolor gold and white variety, they never fail to raise a smile with their Fu Man Chu moustaches and gormless expressions.

Imori (House Gecko)

Within my first few days in Yanai, I was amazed to discover just how many of these adorable little lizards there are scurrying about the place, gobbling up all the nastier bugs and generally keeping the place tidy. Though I haven’t seen any over the winter, the summer is now upon us, and ‘tis the time of the season for gecko lovin’. Seen by the Japanese as a friendly house guest, these little lovelies are great pest control and a joy to watch on their nightly patriol.

Ashidakagumo (Huntsman Spider)

Another rather encouraged house guest is the terrifying-looking Huntsman. The size of a dinner plate, there are many horror stories of these chaps hiding under toilet seats and scaring the bejesus out of unsuspecting folk. They are however, harmless to humans, and, along with the house gecko, form an invaluable security team. Just think of the scariest looking club bouncer who still has time to have a chat about the footie.

Zenigame (Red-Eared Slider)

Made famous in the eighties and nineties by that classic cartoon series, this red-masked terrapin is another surprisingly common delight in Yanai. I saw my first one on my first day in the south, and grin with childlike glee ever time one pops his cute little head out of the water since. There’s actually a family that lives in the stream outside my house; my drinking buddies during my morning coffee.

Kama-Kiri (Preying Mantis)

Since reading Durrell’s My Family and Other Animals at a young age, it has seen my dream to see the epic battle ‘tween mantis and gecko. Alas, I haven’t seen such a showdown yet, but the mantis is still one of my favourite beasties of Japan. Mostly nocturnal, these wise looking creatures are hauntingly beautiful; their bulbous eyes and constant meditative mantra emanates a bizarre serenity in which it is surprisingly easy to get lost.

Aburamushi (Japanese House Bat)

I love bats. They are, to me, one of nature’s most amazing creations; their effortless twists and turns and graceful silence is simply breath-taking. Also, they eat moths, so that’s a plus. This little chap comes with a story though. After finishing a very long week at work, I was leaving school, only to discover this fellow sitting on the doorstep of the office. Looking at me with pleading eyes, he had clearly come to me for help after crash landing, knowing that I was perhaps the only person nearby who could aid him in his plight. After ineffectively telling my clueless boss that he was NOT dead, I grabbed a newspaper and scooped him up, depositing him by a wall above which his friends and family were squeaking with concern. With a battish wink, he chirruped his thanks before beginning the long climb back to his vespers. Durrell would be proud.

Mukade (Giant Scary Bastard Centipede)

I have some strange fears. Cows and moths to name but two. My greatest fear, however, can be traced back to Ian Felmming. Remember that scene in Dr. No when Bond is in bed, and the tarantula crawls up his leg and he kills it with his shoe? Well, in the book, it is one of these monsters. Told with nauseating detail; every leg movement, every pincer touch, Flemming scarred my twelve year old self for life with his description of the poisonous Japanese mukade. I’ve heard more horror stories since, and it didn’t help that upon researching local fauna online, I was presented with a picture of one in someone’s bed. Fortunately I haven’t seen one alive yet(this one was thankfully dead). I still check my bed every night though, and sleep with a polished brogue under my pillow.

Ao-Daisho (Japanese Ratsnake)

This was something of a surprise find, but is apparently a common sight in the summer months. Upon going to say my daily Hello to my turtle friends, I looked down to discover this two metre long beauty sunbathing on the river bank. One of the many, many species of snake in Japan, this is the longest and feeds on just about anything it can get its teeth into. I just hope he hasn’t come across my resident gecko yet…

Fright Night Double Feature

Fright Night
(Tom Holland, 1985)

3.5 Stars

The eighties spawned some classic horror comedy flicks. Indeed, it’s debatable as to whether this was the decade that spawned the genre; with the likes of Gremlins, Critters and The Evil Dead, cinema goers saw a new era of B-Movies; ones that not only gave you the willies, they also made you laugh whilst doing so.

In a time ruled by the likes of Freddy, Jason and Michael Myers, a surprise smash hit crept up like some ghoulish beast on critics and audiences alike in the summer of 1985 in the vampiric form of Tom Holland’s fiendishly funny Fright Night.

Starring Hollywood legend Roddy McDowall as a wonderful caricature of just about every vampire hunter he ever played, and lost in oblivion William Ragsdale as high school loser Charley, Fright Night tells the story of an unlikely pair of would be heroes who take on a centuries-old vampire, played with gleeful relish by Chris Sarandon (Childs Play, The Nightmare Before Christmas).

Taking inspiration from just about every vampire tale that came before it, from ‘Salem’s Lot to Dracula, Fright Night is a delightfully campy, laugh out loud romp featuring some special effects to put shame to the vast majority of modern day horror ventures.

It’s a rare thing to truly pull off the horror comedy, but Fright Night pulls out all the stops, and although perhaps not as well known as such classics as Gremlins, it’s a movie that really does deserve its cult status.

Fright Night Part 2
(Tommy Lee Wallace, 1989)

3 Stars

I’ve ranted in the past many a time over the curse that is the horror sequel, and I’m sure I need not go too far into my list of issues with the money-making scam that is the poorly-crafted follow-up at this point in time.

Fortunately, it seems, when it comes to the horror comedy, a lot more thought goes into the sequel, and rather than just turf out any old tosh, producers are much more keen to keep some sense of the odd-ball integrity of the original. Just see Jack Frost II: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman for proof of that. Failing that, just take into consider its name alone.

And so, in the grand tradition of Gremlins 2: The New Batch and Army Of Darkness (although it did in fact precede both…), we bring you Fright Night Part 2. Doing what every good sequel should, bringing back the original cast in a tale that not only logically follows what came before, but actually adds to it, Part 2 picks up three years after the first movie left off, with Charley undergoing intensive psychiatric treatment to disprove the existence of vampires.

When the sister of Charley’s former nemesis rolls into town, however, out for his blood, it’s time for him to once again team up with Roddy McDowell’s fearless Van Helsing parody Peter Vincent (Peter Cushing and Vincent Price? Why surely yes.) for some serious slaying.

As camp and crazy as the first movie, Fright Night Part 2 is great fun; sexy, scary and spine-tingling, featuring a genuinely great soundtrack by Brad Fiedel and some top notch special effects. A worthy follow-up to a cult monster-piece.

ROCK AND ROLL!!!

Wild Zero
(Tetsuro Takeuchi, 2000)

4 Stars

Oh Japan, how I love thee. Few countries produce such delectably bizarre films as are made in the studios of Japan. Inconceivably insane films such as The Happiness of the Katakuris or indeed any number of tentacle-based hentai have given rise to the Nipponese infamy for the down right weird.

And this little treat does nothing less than endorse this stereotype. A zom-rom-com featuring aliens, transsexuals and garage punk, Wild Zero is a truly rare find, and I must whole-heartedly thank one of my colleagues up in TokyoLand for the recommendation.

The movie starts with a Corman-esque alien invasion that brings back to gory life the recently departed. Meanwhile rock star wannabe Ace is busy bumbling about, accidentally saving his hero, punk guitarist Guitar Wolf, from his arch nemesis; evil record producer The Captain, a man who spends the vast majority of the movie in a rather disturbing pair of hot pants..

What follows the gloriously hectic opening sequence is a full ninety minutes of fun, chaos, and, most importantly Rock and Roll, as Ace finds himself fighting off zombies, combing his hair, and falling passionately in love with a girl who is actually a guy.

Along the way, we have one of the best Psycho parodies to date, in which a buxom young lovely is interrupted mid-shower by a hoard of zombies, resulting in a delightful naked gun fight (exactly where she was hiding the gun, I’m not entirely sure, though utterly intrigued…), as well as one of the coolest pieces of weaponry to grace our screens; a samurai sword concealed in the neck of Guitar Wolf’s electric guitar.

With heads exploding at a bi-minutely rate, copious screamings of “ROCK AND ROOOOOOOOOOOOOLL!!!”, and more explosions than the entire Michael Bay back-catalogue, Wild Zero is an utterly enthralling piece of nonsensical genius; funny, gory and indeterminably cool. A masterpiece of the bizarre.

Love Thy Robot

Deadly Friend
(Wes Craven, 1986)

2.5 Stars

Wes Craven is something of a cult figure in the horror genre; the man who brought us such classics as The Last House on the Left, The Hills Have Eyes and A Nightmare on Elm Street, before ultimately redefining the genre itself in 1996’s Scream.

Of course, not every film from a great director can be a masterpiece (as Tim Burton rudely pointed out earlier this week), and today I ventured into one of his lesser known movies, Deadly Friend; a tale of love, loss and robotic zombies.

Deadly Friend tells the tale of a young mechanical genius (Matthew Laborteaux) who endeavours to bring back to life his lovely young lady friend (the ever delightful Kristy “Buffy before Sarah Michelle Gellar” Swanson), only to find he has created a devilish android creature, hell-bent on reaping revenge on those who wronged her in life. Amongst her unfortunate victims is crotchety neighbour Elvira (the late Anne Ramsey – The Goonies, Throw Momma From The Train) whose death by basketball is the highlight of the movie.

Critics have often slated this as Craven’s worst movie, and yet, although it is no Scream by any means, there is fun to be had. Especially if you enjoy wonderfully naff eighties horror movies. Oh, and prepare for the inevitable “shock” ending. You won’t see it coming a mile off. No, really, you won’t. Okay, you totally will.

Finally, A Superhero Who Lives Up To His Name

Kick-Ass
(Matthew Vaughn, 2010)

4.5 Stars

The superhero has become something of a cliché these days, with origin stories of the likes of Spiderman, Iron Man, Batman Begins et al, cluttering our screens on a pretty much monthly basis. And what with The Avengers lined up for a few years time, Marvel Studios are set to churn out plenty more mediocre hero flicks over the next couple of summers. Even an avid comic fan such as my self is beginning to tire of it all.

As such, it’s a refreshing change of pace to see Mark Millar’s anti-hero Kick-Ass canon-balling his ultraviolent ways into our hearts.

We’ve all dreamed of being a superhero. One of the basic questions of late night pub fayre is the age-old “if you could have any super power, what would it be?”. In Kick-Ass, legendary comic book writer Millar poses the question “what if a super hero was just a kid with high hopes and pep?”. And the answer? A truly kick-ass creation is what.

Kick-Ass tells the story of Dave Lizewski, an average teenage nerd (played with aplomb by delightful young English actor Aaron Johnson) who dons a spandex suit and decides to fight crime, only to find himself way over his head as he becomes embroiled in a war between an evil drug baron and likewise anti-heroes Big Daddy (a wonderfully gung-ho Nic Cage – Con Air, The Wicker Man) and his larger than life daughter Mindy (Chloe Moretz – My Friends Tigger and Pooh). Moretz’s performance has caused some uproar in the “standards of decency” crowd, what with having an eleven year old girl swearing her boots off and slicing up gangsters like nobody’s business, but quite frankly, it’s one of the finest child actress performances I’ve seen in a very long time. Moretz steals the entire movie with her embodiment of “Hit Girl”, and is set for a fine career in the future.

What makes Kick-Ass truly outstanding though is its tongue-in-cheek humour coupled with its ultraviolent choreography. Akin to some B-Movie masterpieces of Japanese theatre, Kick-Ass relishes in its own absurdity; a super-hero movie that accepts itself for what it is, rather than trying so very hard to a serious piece of film-making as so many of these stories tend to do.

With some wonderful little cameos from some great British actors; Jason Fleyming and Dexter Fletcher to name but two, and a perfectly suited soundtrack, Kick-Ass is an action movie to redefine the entire genre. Marvel Studios, accept defeat; your ass has well and truly been kicked.