Back to the Classics

The Princess and the Frog
(Ron Clements and John Musker, 2009)
4 Stars

It’s been a good few years now since Disney released a 2D animation, the last being the so-so Home on the Range, and almost twenty years since the renaissance that brought us such classics as The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast and The Lion King. It’s rather scary really to think that Ariel’s aquatic adventure was the first film I saw at the pictures (back when they still changed the reel half way through and you went into the lobby for your orange ice lolly). Makes one feel rather old at twenty three…

Growing up in Disney’s nineties hay-day has given me something of an adoration for the 2D features. As great as the Pixar outings are, they will never, in my eyes, surpass good old pen and paper.

And so, it has been with rapt anticipation that I have been waiting for the first release from Disney Animation Studios in six years; The Princess and the Frog. From the team behind Aladdin, The Little Mermaid and Hercules, and with music by Randy Newman, I had little doubt that this would be an instant classic. And oh, how I trembled with delight as the first musical number, “Down in New Orleans”, filled my ears.

Set in 1940s Louisiana, with a chorus of racial stereotypes that would make Walt himself proud, The Princess and the Frog could quite easily have been made by Disney himself; such is the overwhelming feel of fun and sheer delight oozing like froggy mucus from the screen.

The Princess and the Frog, based on E.D. Baker’s The Frog Princess tells of a young waitress (notably Disney’s first Afro-American “princess”) who dreams of running her own restaurant. Meanwhile, the despicable voodoo shaman Shadow Man (possibly Disney’s best villain since Ursula the Sea-Witch) curses a young prince, turning him into a frog. From there, we take on a new twist on the classic “kiss the frog” tale, set to some real toe-tapping Jazz numbers from the mind of Mr. Newman, and accompanied by some truly great characters; a trumpet-playing alligator, a blind old voodoo priestess, and, most notably, a hilarious Cajun firefly (voiced by Disney legend Jim Cummings – the voice of Winnie the Pooh, Darkwing Duck, et al…) who falls in love with a star.

The story, although perhaps somewhat hurried at the beginning (exactly why the Shadow Man curses Prince Naveen is not explained until much later in the story, so we are left a little disoriented to start; though perhaps this is the intention…), is intoxicatingly enthralling, and culminates in one of the most powerful endings I think I’ve ever seen in a Disney animated feature. Indeed, I did find myself welling up; something only one other Disney has caused me to do (The Fox and the Hound). The inevitable fate of the Shadow Man is also quite terrifying. I shan’t give anything away, but be sure to be ready to comfort those of a weaker disposition.

The animation is, naturally, flawless, incorporating elements of both classic Disney style and art Deco in order to bring to Technicolor life the warmth and spice of Old N’awlins. Newman shies away from his usual Toy Story tweeness to create an audio world of Jazz, Gospel and, naturally, the mandatory Disney “Some Day My Prince Will Come” style ballad, proving that he is not a one trick piano-based pony.

Fans of the old classics, and indeed the nineties revival, will not be let down by any means. In The Princess and the Frog, Disney have managed to bring us back to the golden age of animation in a new and wonderful setting, keeping the magic and yet thrusting it forward into the new decade. I have big hopes for the next few ventures, The King of the Elves and The Snow Queen, and having had the pleasure of The Princess and the Frog, I’m one thousand percent certain this is just the beginning of a whole new world for Disney Animation Studios.

Three Fingers

In the land of KitKats, offerings have been somewhat on the sparse side of late. However, this week, we have a trio of chocolately goodness for your oral pleasure, two of the relatively ordinary, and one just plain wierd... As ever, we're on the four finger ratig system. Enjoy.

Strawberry KitKat - 3 Fingers

Strawberries and chocolate is a coupling as old as pleasure itself, though having treid Nestle's "Strawberry Fizz KitKat" (a bright pink thing that left a hideous aftertaste) I was somewhat dubious about its new "regular" counterpart. But I was pleasantly surprised. I have generally found strawberries in Japan to be a little bland and tasteless, so was taken aback somewhat by the sweet and pungeant aroma that presented itself as I unwrapped the bar. The taste is good; not too sweet as fruit-flavoured chocolates often are, and thankfully this time, no acrid aftermath. Good work Mr. N.

Citrus KitKat - 3 Fingers

I picked up this bright orange little number whilst in Hiroshima, and have not, as of yet, seen it down here in Yanai. It's a strange one, infusing all three major citrus flavours (orange, lemon and lime) into one KitKat, and giving it a lurid orange hue. But it works rather nicely. A deliciously sour twang and strong flavours of all three fruits produce a curiously tasty treat.

Sakura KitKat - 2.5 Fingers

I've already given my thoughts on the Sakura Starbucks experience (not one I shall be repeating), and maintain a sense of bemusement at the obsession to infuse this national flower into everything imaginable. So it was with a wary tongue that I bit into the green-coloured Sakura (Japanese Cherry Blossom) KitKat. And after all, it wasn't actually too bad. I spent a good few minutes trying to work out what it reminded me of (Kelloggs Bran Flakes of all things...), and although I probably shan't be picking up any more (at least for myself), I shall be eating the remaining bar in the fridge, rather than passing it off on someone else in a future care package. Not that I ever do that. Ever. Certainly not to get rid of Sweet Potato flavour ones (Harry).

Totally Wrong

The Wrong Door (2008-2009)

0.5 Stars

Anyone who knows my comic tastes is aware of my adoration for Mr Matt Berry, star of such cult classics as Garth Merenghi's Dark Place, Snuff Box and of course The IT Crowd. Indeed when I happened across Mr Berry on Carnaby Street last year, I was so overcome by awe that I forgot to ask for an autograph, let alone a photograph. But I did meet him. Honest. And he was beautiful.

As such, when I heard that Mr Berry had appeared in a prior-to unheard of by myself BBC3 sketch show by the name of The Wrong Door, I was drawn to it like a moth to a bonfire. Unfortunately, quite frankly, it's shit.

The Wrong Door, it appears was originally a CBBC pitch, which did not get picked up, so they threw in some damningly unfunny puerility to "appeal to an older audience". And the result is a thirty minute yawn, spattered with already dated (and only one year on) CGI effects, that the producers clearly thought would disguise the utter boredom that seeps from the "comic" material.

Usually, I am quite tickled by obscure humour, but there's obscure and there's just boring. A clear attempt at jumping on the bandwagon of the aforementioned shows, but lesson learned; "wackiness" does not equal funny. The half a star goes to Mr Berry for his four second cameo as a snooker player which just about raised a shadow of a smirk.

Please BBC3, let's try a little harder shall we? Or will we be running repeats of Little Miss Jocelyn again this Spring?

Descending into Mundanity

After an eventful weekend last week, I find myself back to my usual sleepy Sunday routine over here in JapanLand, and with a tummy full of Singapore noodles from my favourite foodery (which is, rather unfortunately, closing down next weekend - though a last hoorah hootenanny is schedualled for Sunday), I settled myself down for the afternoon viewing. This week we have a horror sequel, that really perhaps have stayed hidden underground...

The Descent Part 2 (Jon Harris, 2009) - 2 Stars

Horror sequels are a dangerous thing. As discussed in my last review, they are the curse of the genre, and though it can usually be said with utmost certainly prior to a viewing that there is in no way, shape or form that a follow-up can outdo its predecessor, there is still something that draws us inexplicably to it, much like many a blonde victim who finds herself running up the stairs rather than out of the front door.

And run up the stairs I did whilst pondering what to watch on this drizzly afternoon in Yanai. I knew I should’ve taken one look at The Descent Part 2 and legged it, and yet the promise of outdoing the solid, atmospheric creep-fest that was The Descent was all too appealing. Unfortunately, much like the cornucopia of sub-par and unnecessary sequels that have come before it, The Descent Part 2 (why “Part" 2, I don’t know… Simply to give it more of a “necessary” feel one supposes. One would hope there were no aspirations of Godfather or Back to the Future status here.) really does nothing to enhance the first movie, or indeed the cinema canon itself.

So for the story; two days after the events of the first movie, our heroine, and apparently sole survivor, Sarah (Shauna MacDonald – Spooks) finds herself somewhat catatonic in hospital. The smart-as-a-button local police decide the best things for her is to take her back into the Appalachian cave system from whence she escaped in order to find her missing friends, each of whom perished in the first film at the hands and teeth of the subterranean “Crawlers”. From then on we are taken on a lacklustre déjà vu voyage back into the caves as the crawlers once again reign terror upon the unlucky troupe.

Unfortunately, all atmosphere and tension created in the first movie is lost a second time round, since really, we know exactly what’s coming. Some darkness, some “oh, wasn’t expecting that” jumps, and some delightful throat-tearing. It’s just all a little stale. Even a “surprise” return of abandoned Juno (the mouth-wateringly delicious Natalie Mendoza – Hotel Babylon) from the original trek does little to spice things up. There is simply nothing original here, leaving one pondering as the credits roll (after a really stupid set-up for three-quel ending) exactly what the point of the whole affair actually was.

Alas, I’m sure if and when the third instalment unearths itself, I shall be sitting nonchalantly through it. I guess it’s some kind of sadomasochism that unfortunately the producers of such trite relish in. Until then though, this is one stairwell I certainly shan’t be running up again, nor a hole I shall be descending.

Destination Unknown

Final Destination

(James Wong, 2000)

4 Stars

The late nineties and early “noughties” (a term I utterly despise by the way) were something of a hay-day for teen horrors. With Wes Craven’s re-vamp of the genre in Scream, adolescent audiences flocked in their popcorn gobbling hoards to see a plethora of sub-par scary movies (and the parodies thereof), most of which have since been lost in the nether regions of naffness.

One outing that stands out amongst this often under-appreciated genre however, and indeed despite its ever-worsening stream of sequels (the true curse of an ingenious horror flick) is James Wong’s (who would later soil his name on the uber-flop Dragonball Evolution) Final Destination.

What sets Final Destination apart from its contemporaries is not necessarily anything out of the ordinary within the teen-spook fest; we have a cast of unknowns, a semi-competent script, and some decent directing. No, what makes it both spine-tinglingly spooky and wickedly funny is the simple and original premise; a kid (Devon Sawa – Idle Hands, Casper) has a vision of a plane crash and drags a group of his classmates from the plane before it subsequently explodes. Thereafter, death picks them off one by one in more and more elaborate fashions, proving that there truly is no way to cheat the fates. It’s such a simple idea, and yet one that had beforehand remained unseen on the big screen. The villain is not some masked madman or monster from the beyond; it’s the one force in the world that no man can fight.

Of course the deaths themselves stand out as some of the most intricate and memorable in cinema history, with Amanda Detmer’s sudden demise at the business end of a bus making almost every “scariest moment” poll of the last decade.

The actors each throw themselves into the tale full pelt, with Sawa giving wonderful life to the haunted hero Alex. Sean William Scott, best known for his outlandish behaviour as American Pie’s Stiffler also delivers a much more tender performance as underachiever Billy.

In all, Final Destination is a great little horror movie, blessed with an intriguing hook, that will unfortunately be diluted for years to come by more and more sequels (I do believe FD5 is set for a 2011 release), that duly cautions us; perhaps we really should fear The Reaper…

Tarquin's TV Top Ten - TV Pigs

Oy oy saveloys, Tarkers back again for another adventure into TV past! This week, we're looking at a subject very dear to my heart; TV pigs. So join me now as we celebrate pigs of all sizes and many a genre in another trip down memory lane...

10. Huxley Pig (Huxley Pig, 1989-1990)

With his overactive imagination and cute as a button antics, Huxley and his stop-motion friends Horace the Hamster, Sydney the Snake and Vile Vernon had children throughout the eighties asking that famous question, "Who you gonna be today Huxley Pig? (Oink, Oink)".

9. Miss Piggy

(The Muppet Show, 1976-1981/Muppets Tonight, 1996-1998)

Though it may surprise some for the porcine sex symbol that is Miss Piggy to be so low down in the list, Piggy really shines out in her movie work; the stylish and sexy Benjamina Gunn in Muppet Treasure Island; the tragic Mrs. Cratchett in A Muppet Christmas Carol, and of course her beautiful self in The Muppet Movie and is sequels. With her narcissan egomania and pitch-perfect singing voice, few lady pigs will ever compare to Miss Piggy.

8. Mr. Gordo (Buffy The Vampire Slayer, 1997-2003)

Few pigs can lay claim to preventing an apocalypse, let alone the seven or eight that the golden-haired wonder woman Buffy came up against. Sure, most would rate Xander, Willow and Giles as the most invaluable of her allies, but let’s face it, what is a hero without their childhood cuddly toy? Nothing, that’s what. Fact. All hail Mr. Gordo, the world’s greatest stuffed pig.

7. Piggley Winks (Jakers!, 2003-Present)

A few years ago, I applied for a job to work as script editor on Jakers! (made by the same company as the wonderful Clifford the Big Red Dog – RIP John Ritter), but alas did not get invited for interview. I was gutted, but nonetheless, I still love this adorable show, centring around charming Irish Grandfather Piggley Winks as he tells his grandson all about his childhood days on the farm. It’s all just so darned delightful.

6. Pinky (The Good Life, 1975-1978)

Felicity and Richard were most certainly the stars of this classic “simple life” sitcom, but for me, the few episodes telling of the exploits of lady pig Pinky will always stand out; when she escapes into Margo’s garden and eats the roses (oh Penelope Keith, what a grumpy face!) and of course when she gives birth to a brood of squealing piglings. TV gold.

5. Bebop (Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles, 1987-1996)

Bumbling baddie sidekicks have always been a staple ingredient of any classic kids animation, and they certainly more inept than the porcine Bebop and his rhino companion Rocksteady. Muscular and meat-headed, Bebop and Rocksteady were The Shredder’s right hand men, but one often wondered just why an evil mastermind would keep around such a pair of dolts. Though to be fair, Shredder did work for a talking brain with arms…

4. Spanky Ham

(Drawn Together, 2004-2008)
Pigs are often associated with filth and flatulence, and none stand so true to the stereotype as animated reality show Drawn Together’s Spanky Ham. Foul-mouthed and utterly un-PC, Spanky represents the “so bad you shouldn’t laugh but can’t help it” comedy that circulates the internet on a daily basis. And boy does he do it with aplomb.

3. Cornfed Pig (Duckman, 1994-1997)

Cornfed could quite easily be the best detective this world, or indeed any other, has ever seen. Unfortunately, for reasons unknown perhaps even to himself, he finds that he is inextricably bound to the haphazard Duckman. His sardonic and often self-deprecating humour, coupled with his perpetually monotone delivery, make Cornfed one of the greatest comedy creations of the nineties.

2. Pumbaa (Timon and Pumbaa, 1995-1998)

Okay, so this one is a little bit of a cheat, but “technically”, Pumbaa can still be classed as a TV pig, since in the rather-inferior-to-the-lion-king-movies TV series Timon and Pumbaa, he was still voiced by Ernie Sabella, and thus the same pig we knew and loved in the movies. Look, I don’t have to justify it to you! Pumbaa’s freakin’ awesome; deal with it. And if you can’t well pooh to you!

1. Pigby

(Pushing Daisies, 2007-2009)

Though he only featured in the all too brief second season of the ill-fated Pushing Daisies (when will Brian Fuller catch a break???), Pigby was the true star of the show. Named after the Pie Maker’s dog; “You call a dog Digby, so why not call a pig Pigby?”, Pigby brought a shiny resonance to the show with his piggly antics. Also, seeing Kristen Chenoweth dressed as a nun hunting for truffles with a piebald pig was quite simply gold-dust. Congratulations Pigby, I shall indubitably be naming my future piglet in your honour.

Hiroshima Special

I’ve been in Japan for just over six months now, a thought quite scary considering how quickly it seems to have gone, how little of the language I have learned, and how few of the items on the “things to do in Japan” list have been ticked off. Sure, I’ve ridden the Bullet Train, been in a fair few earthquakes, I’ve eaten things that my ten year old self would have vomited at the mere sight of, and I made Bourdain’s pilgrimage to Tsukiji fish market.

But when it comes to seeing Japan, and I mean REALLY seeing Japan, I haven’t exactly gone anywhere fast. True, I exhausted Tokyo as best one can on a tight budget, little language and just six weeks, but I maintain I did pretty well there. And when it comes to rural Asia, it doesn’t come much more remote than Yanai; possibly the only town in the world not to have a Starbucks.

So, this weekend, with my trusty companion Manami in tow, I decided to venture to Hiroshima, thus finally checking this historic city off my list. With plenty to do and see, yet only one short day (made shorter by us missing the early morning train), we blazed a trail round some of the most important sites.

The A-Bomb Dome

Let’s start with the history lesson, shall we? At 8:15 on April 6th, 1945, Hiroshima was subjected to the first atomic bomb used in war in human history. The blast, occurring 600m above the city, instantly decimated everything within an area of 3km, killing thousands, and leaving many more burned and poisoned. When presented with the facts so precisely, it all somehow becomes a lot more harrowing than history lessons at school; “Hiroshima was bombed by the Americans, thus, along with Nagasaki one week later, the war was ended.”

The first site we found was the “A-Bomb Dome”, an old building that was once the governmental pride of Hiroshima that was, within seconds of the blast, an empty shell. The building was originally penned to be destroyed in the subsequent renovation of the city, but planners decided to keep it as a haunting reminder of the physical destruction caused.

Hiroshima Museum

The museum itself is pretty darn depressing, and I found myself really not wanting to be there after about ten minutes, simply through a nauseous empathy for the suffering that these people had gone through. Of course, it’s all very one-sided in its exposition (but then who isn’t when it comes to war?) but nevertheless a half hour or so spent in the museum is something that will stay with you for a long time. Strangely, the most haunting artefact for me was a collection of milk bottles that had been fused together in the blast. I don’t know why it hit me harder than anything else, but there was something just so very disturbing about something so bizarre happening to something so simple.

Hiroshima Peace Park

Surrounding the museum is Hiroshima Peace Park, a large expanse of land studded with various monuments dedicated to peace. The park itself was a large part of the city, obliterated by the blast. The overcast a drizzly weather that followed us as we entered the park only added to its maudlin aura, but the monuments were quite something nonetheless.

My favourite, upon learning the story behind it, is the Children’s Monument; a large statue of a girl with an origami swan. The tale behind it is that of a young girl (her name escapes me unfortunately) who succumbed to radiation poisoning. She had once heard a legend that if you make one thousand paper swans then you will be granted your heart’s wish. Unfortunately she died before she could complete the thousand, but she, along with all the children who were killed, are remembered here. A collection of the swans is also on show in the museum.

Jupiter Import Foods

The major drawback to living in a country so far a field is not the language barrier, it’s not the culture shock, it’s not even the ridiculous extremes of climate change. No, it’s the cravings for the taste of home. In a country that is mostly lactose intolerant, and where rice is the staple foodstuff, where a snack consists of fried octopus and crisps are apple flavoured, it goes without saying that a comfort eater such as myself gets some serious pangs more than occasionally.
So at the recommendation of fellow teacher Alex, we set off to Jupiter Import Foods, a haven for the Gaijin, and albeit small, filled with just about every foodstuff that you could ever find yourself pining for. Such was my fervour at finding taco shells and REAL CHEESE (I bough just under a kilo, and have frozen most of it to keep me stocked) that Manami was reduced to fits of giggles at my utter foreignness. I’m sure she would’ve been the same if she’d gone without squid-on-a-stick or dried sea urchin for a few months.

Kemby’s

On the subject of food, one thing I really miss is Mexican. In a country without cheese, avocados, spices… etc, etc, it goes without saying that a decent taco is nigh on impossible to find. Last week I was taken to “The Shamrock” in Hikari, and was pleasantly impressed by a most delicious plate of enchiladas. Indeed, so much so that I’m going back on Saturday, so will probably throw together a review over the weekend.

But anyway, Kemby’s of Hiroshima is kind of a Tex-Mex establishment, and it’s not bad. It’s not great, but it’s not bad. We had pretty much everything on the menu; the Caesar Salad was very good, with proper Caesar dressing which was a nice surprise. The fried mozzarella was excellent, and really did suppress my cheese withdrawal. A plate of nachos left a little to be desired though; the chips weren’t great, and though impressively cheesy (mozzarella and Monty J. if I’m not mistaken), they were rather lacking in toppings. And whoever made the Long Island Iced Tea needs a few lessons from Tom Cruise. Kudos to the Mimosa however, and even moreso for its ability to turn a young Japanese girl bright red within two sips!

The highlight, however, was the rather scrumtrulescent stack of chicken fajitas. Delightfully spiced, and with all the trimmings you would expect (save for guacamole, though that can be somewhat forgiven), it was great fun teaching a fledgling who had never even heard of fajitas how to roll the perfect wrap.

Kudos for effort; though not perfection, Kemby’s certainly does its best to give the lonely Gaijin exactly what he’s a’missin’.

Starbuck’s Sakura Steamer

To round off our trip to the big city, and to quell the last of my cravings, we sought out a Starbuck’s. Now, why the hell I didn’t have what I actually wanted (double shot cinnamon latte), I will never know, but there was just something curiously appealing about the bright pink Cherry Blossom latte. Well, there was about the picture anyways. Ten points for originality, and indeed for crow-barring ruddy Sakura into yet another thing (I’ve got a Cherry Blossom KitKat waiting for me in the fridge), but really? It tastes like an old jumper. Not impressed. Should’ve gone with the Larson.

So that about sums up my whistle-stop trip to Hiroshima. I shall be returning there next month for the Carps vs Tigers baseball game (a rather extravagant gift from one of my students), but for now, stay tuned for Tarquin’s TV Top Ten coming soon… This week, it’s TV Pigs!