Not Suitable For Children

Child’s Play
(Tom Holland, 1988)

3.5 Stars

There’s a whole bunch of “classic” horror films that we’ve all seen through osmosis; whether just catching a couple of scenes during a late night Channel Five viewing, or through simple over-parody from any number of daft and often unfunny comedies.

When it comes to the iconic Chucky films, however, I’ve never quite been sure which ones I’ve actually seen. I remember certain scenes, and I seem to recall an increasingly drunken Bride of Chucky/Seed of Chucky marathon a couple of years back, if only for the ridiculously daft female and baby Chuckies. Looking at the original Child’s Play last night in the video store, however, I really couldn’t remember ever having seen it.

Turned out I had, but y’know… Whatever.

It’s easy to disregard Child’s Play as a piece of pulp horror trash, what with the ever-more “horror-comedy” sequels (see previous piece on the Nightmare on Elm Street films), but indeed watching it now (with dim recollections of the ol’ James Bulger controversy popping scarily into mind) it’s actually a pretty darn creepy, and impressively made film.

For those of you who haven’t seen it, or indeed those who don’t care, Child’s Play sees serial killer Charles Lee Ray (Brad Dourif) brought back from the dead in the form of Good Guys doll Chucky, thereafter taking vengeance on those who brought about his death. It’s typical eighties schlock, but what really makes it stand out is the fantastic animatronics in Chucky’s already eerie doll, coupled with a fantastic child performance from Alex Vincent as Andy, Chucky’s unfortunate new owner. With Holland’s tongue-in-cheek direction, an ingenious partnership is created.

In the few decades since its release, Child’s Play, like its compatriots Halloween, Elm Street, Friday the 13th et al, has lost some of its edge simply through over-reference and over-parody. What with the remake slated for later this year, that magic will be diluted even moreso in years to come. But, nine times out of ten, what inspires a franchise, a remake, a reboot, etc, etc, is something great to begin with. Sure, it’s no Citizen Kane, but I sure know which one’s more fun to watch…

A Walk in the Woods

The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon
(Stephen King, 1999)

3.5 Stars

Certain writers have always served me as comfort food. Storytellers that I know I can turn to in times of boredom and need. Gerald Durrell and Nick Hornby are often top of the list, but for sheer story-telling power and character creation, the number one literary soul food for this world traveller is always that purveyor of the supernatural, Mr. Stephen King.

With a painfully restricting luggage allowance, the majority of King’s tomes remain unloved on my bookshelves back home. Fortunately, however, a few tales remain in the realms of less than an epic, and thus can sit comfortably in ones hand luggage.

One of such easy-readers is ‘99’s The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon, a cautionary tale of the dangers of peeing in the woods. Told through the eyes of young heroine Trisha, The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon is a tense and enthralling yarn, chronicling the rapid decline from home comforts to utter isolation in the Appalachian wilderness.

King’s talent for capturing the personality of a young hero resounds throughout this tale, as we watch Trish go from confident and cocky to finding even the smallest hope to hang on to in her survival. Her devastation upon finding her walkman batteries dead, and as such her final lifeline lost, is one of King’s most powerful images since Coffey’s final walk in The Green Mile.

Perhaps one of the most intriguing strengths of Tom Gordon, however, is not in King’s inimitable writing, but in its detachment from his other works; sure, there is mention of that King staple, Castle Rock, but the lack of supernatural theme is a delightful respite. Yes, there is the “God of the Lost”, but one cannot help but think that this mysterious stalker is no more than the terrified delusion of a young girl lost in the woods. Her final confrontation, when the figure turns out to be no more than a bear, killed by a simple bullet, accentuates this fully, showing King is not simply a horror writer, but truly a master novelist.

Short, sweet, and impossible to put down, The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon is classic King.

How Not to Make a Film About Dinosaurs...

Journey to the Centre of the Earth
(Eric Brevig, 2008)

2.5 Stars

Sometimes a film comes around that intrigues… Sometimes it’s a remake of an old favourite, sometimes it’s just a really good plot, and then occasionally it’s an adaptation of an old classic that you’ve loved for a long time. That unfortunately sucks.

Starring action favourite Brendan Fraser, last year’s could-have-been summer blockbuster, filled with frolics and japes of Lost-Worldly proportions.

Of course, when buying a movie about dinosaurs, one freakin’ well expects some ruddy dinosaurs.

Setting itself as some kind of bizarre sequel to Verne’s classic, Journey envisages that Verne was not a fiction writer, but in fact a historian, chronicling his real life adventures to the centre of the earth, under the sea, and all that jazz. It’s a novel idea, but is utterly let down by a boring execution, a rather inept cast (let’s face it, Fraser is only any good if playing opposite John Hannah – The Mummy 3 excluded, or swinging around in a loin cloth), and a SEVERE LACK OF DINOSAURS.

So, word to the wise; for those studio genii currently working on Jurassic Park IV, you can fudge it up as much as you like.

Just remember the sodding dinosaurs!

Miyazaki Triple Play

Growing up in the West, one finds oneself inundated with the mandatory offerings of such greats as Disney Studios and the once great, now utter garbage-worthy Nickelodeon. As such, with “Part of Your World” ringing in my English-friendly ears, I have always been rather biased in my choice of animated features.

But, having been here in JapLand for coming on two years now, I figured it was about time to drop the Englishness and investigate exactly what the Nihon answer to nineties nostalgia is all about.

So, with a set of subtitles and an open mind, this week we ventured into the works of legendary director Hayao Miyazaki, Japan’s answer to the late Walter D, and a fellow who loves dragons, dust bunnies and seems to have a rather disturbing affinity for young girls…

Fun times.


Tonari no Totoro
(My Neighbor Totoro)
(Hayao Miyazaki, 1988)

4 Stars

Probably Miyazaki’s most recognisable creation, this delightful little fairytale follows impetuous young girl Mei and her sister Satsuki as they struggle with lurking dust bunnies and an ailing mother. Along the way, they befriend giant fluffy monster Totoro and his bizarre and rather scary Cat Bus companion.

Though not the shiny happy fairy story that perhaps one would expect from an American studio, Totoro is certainly a sweet and moving tale, perfectly capturing the personalities of the young girls, both of whom really feel like real kids, whilst at the same time creating a lovely little world where cuddly beasts help us through our most difficult times. Quite frankly, I know I could’ve done with a Totoro through a lot of my childhood years.

The true wonder of Totoro, however, is not in its beautiful storytelling, but in the sheer spectacle of the animation itself. Whilst Disney studios at the time were experimenting with CGI and rather overstretching themselves with that oft-forgotten period that spawned such forgotten low-sellers as The Black Cauldron, Oliver and Company and the tragically under-rated The Great Mouse Detective, Miyazaki’s Gibli studios were concentrating on making simple yet startling back-drops on which poignantly drawn characters could play. The result is an animated feature that would not look out of place in cinemas even now; as clean-cut and shiny as the day of release.

A beautiful start to our threesome.

Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi
(Spirited Away)
(Hayao Miyazaki, 2001)

4.5 Stars

This is the big one, I guess… The one that made Miyazaki if not famous, at least somewhat well known in the West.

The one what Disney bought and then dubbed over.

Spirited Away is the wickedly enchanting tale of a young girl, Chihiro, who, whilst on a family vacation with her somewhat idiotic parents (who quite deservedly, in my opinion, get turned into pigs within the first ten minutes of the film), finds herself whisked up by an evil witch who steals her name (a recurring theme in Miyazaki it seems) and sets her to work in her magical bathhouse for the Gods.

It’s a bizarre tale, filled with some of the freakiest and most disturbing characters I think I’ve ever come across in a kids’ film (The Dark Crystal might be the exception), and at two hours long, it’s also quite an epic, especially when struggling to keep up with the ever-convoluting storyline.

But it’s worth it. Chihiro’s annoying petulance rapidly turns into a rather lovable heroicness, whilst the character arc for the initially terrifying “No-Face” is of touching ingenuity. And trying to figure out the shape-shifting Haku’s true intentions is an intriguing delight.

The Stink God also rocks my socks.

All in all, a truly epic adventure in Japanese fairytale, which really does live up to the hype. Just remember never to eat an old lady’s dinner…


Hauru no Ugoku Shiro
(Howl’s Moving Castle)
(Hayao Miyazaki, 2004)

4 Stars

The final trip down Miyazaki highway this week is the critically acclaimed Howl’s Moving Castle, based on Welsh writer Diana Wynn-Jones’ book of the same name.

Another story of a young girl lost in a magical land, this movie sees heroine Sophie bewitched by an evil hag (who for some reason subsequently becomes her grandmother…), turning her into an old woman. In her quest to break the spell, she meets a living scarecrow, a talking fire and falls in love with shape-shifting wizard. Oh, and there’s also one of the most adorable cartoon dogs ever illustrated.

I must admit, I did try watching the English dub a few years ago, whenst my then flatmate Sean was going through one of his many peculiarly idiosyncratic obsessions. At the time, I was not all too impressed, but watching it in its original format, one can truly understand the appeal.

Hollywood remakers should take note…

The one let-down, however, is something that seems to plague all of Miyazaki’s films; the too-quickly-over ending. In a two hour long animated feature, is there really any need to cram an ending into thirty seconds? Especially with all of the ridiculous long shots of crowds and boat and othersuch unnecessary gubbins.

That said, Howl’s is still an impressive feat of animation, fully worthy of all its praise.

A week well spent with Miyazaki-san.